One Memorable Night
by DontFallDownStairs
Summary: Remus decides to take Sirius's womanising ways under control in a rather unconventional way with a little help from Lily Evans. RL/SB and LE/JP
1. Sirius

**One Memorable Night**

**Sirius**

Sirius Black had celebrated the team's astounding victory the only way he knew how – with a passion-filled evening. To kick off the evening, there was Glenda Roberts beneath the Quidditch pitch stands as they were all leaving the stadium (his evenings started early). A quiet Third-Year reserve Chaser, he didn't consider her the type to offer what she had – he'd refused her suggestion on principle, Third-Years were just too young. Second, partly to ease his guilty mind, was Annabelle Crest. She was by no means a new addition to his list but was without doubt a skilful one. The third had been fevered and hurried and, if he had accidentally grabbed Mike Epstein's behind instead of Fay Golding's (whose mouth he was attached to), no one seemed to notice or care. Certainly, Esme Nye hadn't noticed his momentary slip because she was next in the line to kiss him. She was willing to go much further than he dared attempt in a filled room but, as they left for quieter surroundings, he felt a gentle tug on his hand. Considering luck as on his side, he turned to see Rosetta Jenson with a sly grin on her face. The dilemma proved an easy choice: a predictably fantastic moment with the easy and already once attained Esme or an unpredictable few seconds with an impossibly hard to reach Ravenclaw who shouldn't have even been able to get into their common room. It took him less than ten seconds to decide.

Grinning broadly in expectation. He made his excuses to Esme and followed Rosetta to a darkened corner of the room where he promptly attacked. Well, attack was probably the wrong word for it: attack implied forcefulness and some sort of resistance, of which there was neither. The kiss felt very different to the others of the evening but his response was very similar. He gently pushed the girl backwards until their knees touched the stone seat. In a manner most unusual for him, his knees collapsed but, thankfully, Rosetta followed his lead and sat on his left. Reaching out with his right hand, he traced down from her cheek, along her neck, past her breasts (with a slight pause), round her waist to the bottom of her surprisingly short skirt. Here he stopped, allowing her to pull away to speak.

"Not here." The voice was much deeper and huskier than he had expected and, to his amazement, it made him even more eager. Rosetta gestured in the general direction of the stairs. "Dormitory."

Obediently, he nodded and led her up the stairs, feeling someone's gaze resting on them. He expected it was Remus, who didn't approve of the way he treated women or the fact that many of his casual flings took place in their shared dormitory. As soon as the door was shut, Sirius reattached himself to Rosetta, carefully guiding her backwards towards his bed, where they retook their seated positions from before. Boldness and eagerness took president so he placed his hand directly on her thigh this time and moved upwards. The instant his hand went under the hemline of her skirt he felt something odd. The femininity had disappeared entirely. Immediately, he jumped away from her, him, whoever it was.

His confused anger was obvious. "Why the hell do you have a dick?"


	2. Remus

**Remus**

Remus Lupin's plan had been formulating in his head for weeks before he dared voice it. The whole premise sounded ridiculous even to him. Eventually, whilst out patrolling on Prefect duty he had the courage to talk it over with the person who he hoped would be his accomplice – Lily Evans. Absurdly, she had leapt at the idea, making her seem unusually like James, a comparison he didn't voice. The materials to put the plan into action were relatively easy to get hold of and Lily wasn't Slughorn's favourite for no reason. Lily finished the two potions one night when he was out running wolf.

The date of implementation for the plan was more spontaneous than sensible but, thanks to a lot of preparation and a bottle labelled luck, they started well. Without any suspicion from James (far too busy celebrating), Sirius (far too busy with some girl) or Peter (far too busy being nervous), Remus reached the unused classroom where Lily was waiting. As she pondered over the morality of their upcoming actions, he went over every detail of the plan. Finally, Lily produced a long brown hair from the inside pocket of her robe.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Her brain was screaming other ways of achieving their aim.

"If you're sure you stole the right hair." She glared at him in the way normally reserved for James and dropped the hair in. The muddy brown turned pale blue. Feeling slightly giddy, he drank.

Within a few seconds he felt his features changing. The first change he noticed was the height difference; being so much shorter gave him a whole different view of the world. Then he felt the change in weight distribution. Perplexed, he prodded at the two masses on his front, prompting excessive laughter from Lily.

"Do I look stupid or something?" He asked, aware that capturing Sirius's attention would be difficult if he looked less than perfect.

Lily shook her head. "Just a bit bewildered."

A small while later, as Remus left the room arm in arm with Lily, the nerves kicked in. He did his best to flaunt false confidence but in a skirt as short as the one he was wearing, he was finding the airflow difficult to deal with. However, once he had entered the common room, he realised that something he was doing was working as heads were turning his way. He felt very naked under the various leers and winks but there was also a strange sense of achievement. Perhaps, he shouldn't look down on Sirius's treatment of women. Then again, if all went as he hoped, Sirius's treatment of women would never be a concern again. For the time being, Sirius's attitude meant he followed 'Rosetta' into the corner and then upstairs. Remus knew the next part would be the most painful or most pleasing experience of his year. So when Sirius leapt up with a cry about his dick, he quickly locked the door. Then, right on cue, his body started changing back. He soon realised why Lily had chosen those clothes. The skirt stretched with him and the top was designed to be large. However, if he had felt strange wearing female clothes when he had a female body, it was nothing compared to how he felt back in his male body, especially with the empty bra rubbing against his chest.

"Sirius, it's me." The look in Sirius's dark eyes was unreadable.

Slowly and almost animalistic, he approached Remus. "Remus?" Sirius paused a few paces from him. He saw the start of a question of his friend's lips but it never verbalised as those lips reattached themselves to his. Remus kissed back without a second's thought. Sirius was much more aggressive this time, aware that Remus didn't break as easily as the frail girls he normally went for. He pushed Remus back into the bedpost with such force that it was sure to bruise. The werewolf couldn't bring himself to care, he had Sirius Black launching himself at him, a few bruises were worth it.


	3. Peter

**Peter**

Peter Pettigrew had experienced a rather enjoyable evening by his standards. Sirius had disappeared early on, which had probably helped his chances. Whenever Sirius was around he encountered two problems; firstly Sirius was always picked ahead of him and secondly Sirius's watchful eyes made him extremely nervous. Nerves never helped when trying to flirt. But without his friend's presence he was deep in conversation with a girl from the year below who he rather liked, that is until Lily Evans and James Potter burst into the common room.

"Lily, I'm sorry." James was apologising but for what Peter couldn't tell. "I was just trying to get them to leave." The object of his apology was fast disappearing up the staircase to the dormitories. Peter excused himself and followed her.

Remus had made him swear to protect Lily from James's worst moments. While normally he'd follow Sirius and James rather than Remus, he had to admit that Lily had put up with enough of James's attention. With Remus nowhere in sight, it was down to him to check on her. He found her where the staircase divided, probably expecting Remus. Warily, he asked if he could be of help. Much to his surprise, she spilt it all, culminating in an infuriated cry.

"Why does he do these things if he loves me like he says he does? Surely he should realise there are ways to show his love that I wouldn't complain about!"

Before Peter could offer any words of advice, she stormed up the girls only staircase, leaving him stunned. After her outburst Peter felt it his duty as James's friend to inform him that Lily didn't actually hate him. This sounded like a simple task but when he returned to the common room, James was nowhere to be found. After about fifteen minutes, he gave up and decided to flirt again. This time around his luck was definitely out – the players who had won the match for them had distracted most of the girls.

Disheartened and down, he called it a night. Not paying any attention to his surroundings as per normal, he made it all the way across the room to his bed before he noticed anything odd. Then he heard the moan. Spinning around he spotted a white lacy bra hanging off the top of James's bed. Thankfully, Sirius had remembered to close the curtains around his bed this time. Panicking just a little, he ran from the room. As he darted onto the main stairwell, he hit something, or rather someone.

"Slow down there, Wormtail. Where's the fire?" It was James, the only person Sirius seemed to listen to.

"Sirius. Girl. Bra. Dorm." He stuttered out.

"Not again!" Cried James, running in the opposite direction to where Peter wanted to go. As always, against his better judgement, he followed.


	4. James

**James**

James Potter could not believe the night he was having, sure it had started on the high of leading the team to the ultimate win but that had just given him a long way to fall. Once the jubilation of winning had kicked in to the extent that he wanted to party, he realised that Sirius, his wingman, was missing. So much for their agreement that one wouldn't leave unless the other was also pleasantly occupied. He really should have known that would be the outcome, it was Sirius Black after all. It took two hours of random housemates coming up to him and congratulating him for the boredom to kick in. Boredom quickly led to a horrible feeling of confinement and he had to escape it. As he climbed through the portrait, he saw an instantly recognisable figure disappear around the corner. Evans. As always he couldn't resist the urge to follow her if just for the sake of irritating her. He soon caught up with her. (He may have run just a little.)

"Hey Lily." He called out, as he got closer to her.

She didn't need to turn to realise it was him. "Potter, how many times must I tell you that you do not have the right to call me anything but Evans?"

He smirked, walking beside her now. "As many times as I ignore you Lily my dear." She scowled. "Now do tell, what is Miss Perfect Prefect doing in the corridors after curfew?"

"You just answered your own question you dolt: prefect duty. Do you want a detention or are you going to return to your party?"

James ignored her reference to the party. "Shouldn't Remus be helping?" He knew it wasn't a full moon and he wasn't aware of any other commitments that their bookish friend had.

Much to his surprise she went pink. "Remus is otherwise engaged tonight. I'll have you know I am perfectly capable by myself."

James frowned, wondering what could be occupying Remus, normally so committed to his responsibilities. "I could always join you if you don't fancy risking it on your own." He offered, eager to find a pleasant way to spend his evening.

Lily looked sceptical. "And what would you say to McGonagall?"

"What would you say to McGonagall indeed?" A booming voice interrupted.

"Professor McGonagall," Lily appeared startled by their head of house's sudden appearance. "I was just doing my rounds."

She looked at Lily with disapproving eyes. "Has Mr Lupin suddenly transformed into Mr Potter here?"

"It was my decision. Remus isn't feeling great and I didn't think Lily should be by herself so I tagged along." James knew that he shouldn't allow Lily to get into any trouble for something that was entirely his fault.

"On the night you win the Cup?" McGonagall was fully aware of the party currently underway in her house.

"I had no better offers." Sad as it sounded, it was the truth. Spending the evening with Lily was much more appealing than the boredom of the party. Sirius would have been so disappointed in him.

"Continue on your way then." They turned to leave, James following Lily's lead. "Oh Mr Potter, well done today. You surpassed any expectations of you."

James was sure there was an almost mischievous glint in her eyes as she left them. Choosing to ignore it, he grinned at Lily. "Seems you're stuck with me now."

Considering they walked around the entire school, it didn't take much time at all. Once they finished, they paused outside the common room. Lily turned to smile at him in an almost friendly way.

"Much as I hate to admit it, I kind of had fun tonight James." He didn't miss her new use of his first name.

"Me too," he agreed. "Though it's far too responsible behaviour for me to continue, I have a reputation to maintain after all."

Whilst she was laughing at his ridiculously poor joke, a couple stumbled through the portrait. Showing the skill she possessed, Lily didn't even need to turn around to chastise them. "Ross, Darby go to bed. Your own bed preferably Darby."

"James?" His drunken teammate slurred. "You and Evans? Get in there mate."

Ross was known on the team as the biggest womaniser (beside Sirius of course). "You're interrupting Ross. Go away. Let me and Lily return to what we were doing before you ruined the mood." To increase the chance of Ross actually listening to him, he winked at the rather dim beater. Remarkably, he followed the instruction, though James feared the girl would follow him into the boy's dormitory. Happy that they had been dealt with, he turned back only to be faced by the previously vanquished glare of Lily Evans.


	5. Lily

**Lily**

Lily Evans had been more than a little surprised when Remus had approached her with his peculiar request. Her surprise was partially down to the contents of the plan (Using polyjuice to turn into a girl? Surely that had to hurt!) but mainly because he had actually trusted her enough to ask her to help him. It had taken very little persuasion to make her agree; her only real worry was that her poor friend would get his heart broken. Following the party spirit of the Quidditch win, they had set the plan into action. Hoping that his initial courage would return to him, Lily left Remus in the common room and began her prefect rounds.

It took only one stretch of corridor for Lily to notice the footsteps behind her. When her stalker spoke, she knew immediately who it was – James Potter. He had recently eased off a bit; leading her to appreciate the attention he paid her more. That's not to say she enjoyed it though. To emphasis her dislike (and perhaps to keep him talking) she made several sniping comments until Professor McGonagall interrupted them, much to Lily's surprise. She hadn't appeared on their rounds since their first week. Perhaps she thought her house would be so busy celebrating that there would be nobody doing prefect duty. Lily's surprise meant she mumbled her words. Increasing her surprise, James explained his presence almost truthfully. She was barely aware of what was being said until James commented that he had no better offers. His tone of voice revealed that either he was a better liar than she gave him credit for or he truly believed she was his best offer. She felt flattered even if he was a bit of a creep at times.

The rest of their time together passes in a blur, a happy round full of meaningless chatter – often the best kind. Until that couple appeared from the common room, promptly returning her to reality. She couldn't believe James's sudden return in behaviour to third year.

"What was that?" She demanded as soon as James faced her again.

"I was just getting rid of him." He didn't appear too concerned. "I knew he'd respond if he thought he was stopping me from getting with you, which in a way he was." He leant towards her, looking like he expected a kiss. She stopped him firmly with a sharp shove to the chest.

"I can't believe you Potter." With that she stormed into the tower, ignoring James's shouts behind her. She collapsed on the split in the staircase before remembering that Remus wasn't coming to hug her calm. Much to her surprise, Pettigrew did come to her aid. Even more to her surprise, he was actually very helpful, even if he didn't say anything. Frowning at her own obliviousness, she carried on up the stairs.

A short while later she was about to call it a night and clamber into bed when she heard yelling echoing her own yells at James coming from the boys dormitory. "I can't believe you Sirius!"

When she reached the doorway after pushing her way past the eavesdroppers on the stairs, she realised that the reason the yells were carrying so far was that the door was open with Peter stood in the empty gap on the look out for someone – probably Remus. He jumped with a squeak when he saw Lily.

"Why would you do that with her?" James was gesticulating wildly, her bra (she suddenly remembered that it was labelled to avoid getting it confused with anyone else's) in one hand and his wand in the other pointing directly at Black. "You know how I feel about Lily!"

"How do you feel then James?" She smiled as she sauntered in. His expression was worth the entire scheme.

"But- I- You-" He ran out of one syllable sentences. "If you're here then who's in the bed?"

Her face chose that moment to colour. In all fairness she was shocked it hadn't already with James pointing at a bed with her bra in his hands. The sight was quite appealing. "Erm…" She didn't know what to expect to see appearing from behind the curtain. "You can come out now." She giggled at her choice of words.

"Remus?" The pale brunette didn't look much like himself so Lily could understand James's confusion. He had the remains of the lipstick smeared across his cheek and chin; his hair was sticking up much like James's (quite possibly sex-induced but Lily didn't want to dwell on that) and his eyes looked almost feral with excitement. Remus's eyes were solely for Sirius though. She was glad to see that Sirius had not only lust in her eyes when he looked at her best friend, but love in his smile.

"Don't worry James," she reassured him, content that her friend was being taken care of. "I'll explain everything downstairs as you and Peter help clean up. I'll take that back as well." She snatched the bra and grabbed his hand. "Come on then."

A look of amazement and appreciation appeared on James's face. "You organised this? That's practically Marauder behaviour!"

Lily rolled her eyes as she pulled him from the room, leaving Remus and Sirius alone to continue. One thing was sure – tonight would definitely be drunken teamate slurrwed


End file.
